"Artisanal, a word that fought early in his career to ensure recognition of craftsmen for their important contributions to society before later being drafted into the creation of a worldwide gourmet branding glut, died Wednesday at his brownstone in Brooklyn overlooking a small gourmet mayonnaise store. At best estimates, he was approximately 474 years old. Cause of death is unknown at this time, but it’s suspected that he simply stopped being artisanal, or, perhaps, people stopped being able to identify him as such because no one knows what that word means anymore."